that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
