Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
