Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
