I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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