WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
