y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
