We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
