I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
be right there i have to get my cape
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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