and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
