i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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