I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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