A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
