So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
