Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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