I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
