Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize