I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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