Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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