I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
