I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
