Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
