Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
