It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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