fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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