Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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