She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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