It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
