So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
