i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
