Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
