Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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