First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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