Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
