dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize