How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
