He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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