Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
