and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
