i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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