I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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