then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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