I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
