Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He keeps bees of course he's weird
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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