Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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