grandma shit on top of the toilet
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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