hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
