She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
