Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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