no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize