My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you win again, gameday.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
