This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
