Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
