You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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