I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
