you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
