Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
