So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
