Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize