And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
