U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
