She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
