I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
