doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
