Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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