it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
