I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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