I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
