Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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