Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
