I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
