i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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