The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
